it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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