all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
