Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
