where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
