I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
