i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
