He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
