Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
