What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize