At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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