Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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