oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
