i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
