I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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