Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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