She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
