he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize