Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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