Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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