i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
