It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
