Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
