he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
