New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
