I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
