But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
