Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize