I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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