My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
