I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
