also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
