I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize