Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
