chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
