I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
