I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
