One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
