So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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