My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
