I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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