she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
