Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A+ Viking dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
