he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
