youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
