I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
