Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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