First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
