Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
