Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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