I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
