First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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