Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize