You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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