we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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