I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
