I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
