Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
