a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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