Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
