can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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