The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this boner is exhausting
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
