he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
