was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When are your genitals available?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
