I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
