I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
