I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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