I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
