i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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