when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
