She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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