this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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