Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
