but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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