after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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