just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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