We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
