Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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